"You Have To Suffer For Beauty"

When I was a little girl in the 1980s, my Grandmother used to take me to Pam's Salon to have a perm done. Pam's was an old-style sort of establishment that might remind you of a Yankee version of Dolly Parton's salon in "Steel Magnolias." Aside from the fact that I came out looking like a poodle (which I guess was all the rage around 1986), perms burned--they HURT! Pam had a number of Virginia Slims "You've Come a Long Way, Baby" posters up depicting old-style hairdressers (see poster at right, depicting women with their hair rolled up into curlers wired into the ceiling). Maybe it was supposed you make you feel like you were going through a far less barbaric process in 1986 as opposed to 1906? It sure didn't feel like it.


(I'm pretty excited that I actually found one of the posters online that was on her wall--Pam must have ordered one using this form!)

Of course, I complained about this and Granny and Pam used to tell me, with a sigh and shake of their permed heads, "you have to suffer for beauty." This stuck with me, which is why I scoff at women who rave about how their sweatpants or their Crocs are so comfortable. Hmph! That's hardly the point, now, is it? You have no business going around wanting to be comfortable!

So this self-flagellating mindset that I was raised with has come in handy over the past two days.

Yesterday's surgery went very well. Mom and I got there around 9:30. I took a few phone calls from friends on the way over and I probably sounded like I was on my way to the firing squad. Even though we were a half-hour early, they took me right in and I got changed into my operating gown and socks (you can keep your underwear on!). The nurses came in and went over everything with Mom and me, then Sleepy came in and talked to us (this was Mom's worst part, she doesn't like anaesthesia, she was afraid I wasn't going to wake up...I'm not sure who was more nervous, her or me!), then Doc came in and he said, well, I have it written down, but what do YOU think we're going to do to your nose? And I pointed to my mom's nose and said, look how nice HERS is!!! He laughed and said it was very pretty.

Here I am waiting to go into the OR. Last picture taken with the old nose!

We hung around for a bit while they got everything together, then Mom went over to the waiting room and they took me into the OR. What a flurry of activity! Sleepy tied off my arm, another nurse started cuffing my other arm with a blood pressure monitor and padding and tucked it in, then Sleepy couldn't find a vein, so they had to do the whole thing all over again with the other arm since my right arm has much more fecund vein territory. Sleepy stuck something in the IV to relax me, and after a few seconds, the nurse asked me if I felt relaxed yet and I said no, so we talked a bit about work and what-have-you (seems that I'm pretty resistant to drugging since we had this conversation for several minutes). Then I said, I think I'm ready to close my eyes now, she said "ok" and then I was out.

Next thing I knew, they were putting my socks on ("Oh! They're like New York!" the nurse said--I was wearing my NY taxi and Empire State Building socks, they always cheer me up) and my sorostitute pants (circa 1998, when they were all the rage--very convenient for getting dressed when you don't have all your faculties...hmmm....) and wrestling me into an old linen dress shirt (circa 1993, when Express still labeled as "Compagnie Internationale Express" and sold a lot of flowery stuff and jumpers and things, which were also all the rage at the time, at least in Allentown, Pennsylvania, rather than the Eurotrash sort of thing they have going these days). It was really a high-fashion sort of day.

The nurses put me into a recliner and my mom came in and, although my eyes weren't open yet, I'm pretty sure she was freaked out. I think the nurse and Mom talked about how to bandage me up or something, I was pretty out of it. They made me open my eyes, which might as well have been sealed with cement. Finally--it could have been five minutes, it could have been five hours--they sent Mom to go get the car and they put me into my coat and into a wheelchair and wheeled me downstairs.

I did manage to navigate home, I think Mom was still pretty nervous since I look like I took a few rounds with a baseball bat and she tried to take us South on 95 to who-knows-where Beyond the Beltway. Mom doesn't like the Beltway, even though she learned how to drive on it--with a manual transmission, no less! It's probably a lot different than when she lived here in the 60s and 70s, and the drivers are crazier. Mom said on the way home that Doc came out after the surgery and said that everything went very well, but I had swallowed a lot of blood, so they had to suction it all out (blood in your stomach makes you nauseated). We got back home around 1 or 1:30.

Here I am, first thing after we got home and put on my pajamas...I know my nose was bleeding A LOT and my hair was bloody. I was also really thirsty, but I wasn't allowed to drink very much since water could upset my stomach. Fortunately, I have a strong stomach and I never vomited...I think that would be AWFUL to compound having this surgery with barfing up blood. I took a Percocet and ate a few water crackers (VERY hard to eat when you can't breathe through your nose) and fell asleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later and took another Percocet and Mom gave me a cup of Chicken n Stars (BEST idea EVER--you don't have to chew this or anything) and toasted a slice of cheese bread that I'd picked up at the Falls Church farmer's market after Saturday's lymphatic drainage massage, which was also very nice. Most of the rest of the day was spent in and out of sleep, responding to a few e-mails and text messages (sorry if you've received a not-very-coherent one from me) and taking a few phone calls. The bruising spread outward from my nose across my eyes.

Later on, Mom and my roommate went out to WalMart and Mom bought me a new stereo for my bedroom! My old stereo's CD player stopped working, so Mom got me this nice new one that I can mount on the wall, it's pretty fancy! Bergeron and Kerry, if you're reading this, your CDs have christened the new stereo!

Here's me after I woke up today, and it wasn't so bad, just very swollen. I'm actually trying to smile here, but my upper lip is pretty puffy, so it makes it difficult. One thing I didn't expect was that my eyelashes itch--I think they're poking into the swelled-up flesh and it feels a bit like if you've ever had an ingrown eyelash. As for everything else, I'm still taking painkillers, but really, it's just uncomfortable. The worst part is trying to swallow and breathing through your mouth--my mouth is very dry and my throat kind of hurts, probably also from the tube they stuck down there during surgery.

Mom called up Doc's office and they said to go ahead and take out the packing, but not to clean my nose out just yet. Around 10, she took the tweezers and took out two cotton plugs and that was it. It didn't hurt at all, but didn't provide the breathing-through-my-nose relief I was hoping for. I ate a little (I can start in on the pineapple again, hurrah) and wandered around the apartment for a bit and then noticed my eyes were getting REALLY puffy. I mean, really, really puffy. Better lie down again.

Mom kept herself from going stir crazy by cleaning out the refrigerator and the cabinets. I've heard A LOT about expired cans of soup, how many tins of cocoa I have open, and a lime that got stuck somewhere in the refrigerator that was collecting Social Security checks.

Dad called, and he's going to come and visit tomorrow and bring down a ham and kielbasa and my favorite chocolates for Easter as well as pick up a recliner I bought for my aunt and uncle for Christmas and take it back to Allentown for them. Shari is also coming over to see me and bring me some magazines, so tomorrow will be a busy day. I can't have people seeing me in the shape I was in, so Mom and I went over to a hair salon in a strip mall not far from here and had my hair washed and blow-dried. The hairdressers were very curious about my nose and asked for the doctor's name and number; the daughter of the lady who did my hair wants her nose done. They want me to come back to show it off when I have the splint off.

After that, we went to the "international" grocery store to pick up some fruits and veg. I'm pretty sure I frightened everyone in there. Mom and I laughed on the way out because people were staring, blatantly. We got home and Mom fixed me a grilled cheese sandwich, and then I went back to bed, that was enough excitement for today.


Here I am with freshly-washed hair. Tomorrow I'll set it so I can be...something like presentable for my visitors.

Other than that, the latter part of the day has been pretty frustrating. The swallowing, the itchiness under my splint, the scary swollen eyes, the constant stuffed-up feeling in my nose has just made me very impatient. Suffer for beauty, suffer for beauty is my mantra. I'm trying to not think that it all wasn't worth it--I mean, what's a few days going to be in the grand scheme of things?--but sometimes I just feel like I'm NEVER going to get back to normal. I'm also trying not to be short with people, but sometimes it's laborious to talk (what with no breathing through the nose, I have to stop, take a deep breath, speak, and sometimes repeat if people don't understand me) and sometimes I just don't FEEL like talking to anyone, I just want to lie here with my ice pack.

Sigh....Today is supposed to be the worst for swelling, I hope tomorrow's better.