I Can't Feel My Face, Steve!

I don't watch TV. OK, occasionally, I'll put on the History Channel or Discovery, but there hasn't been a show that I HAD to watch since the fourth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I only have cable because it comes free with the rent. As a result, most pop culture references go over my head. Supermarket tabloids puzzle me: I don't know who most of the "famous people" are. My roommate sometimes starts talking about something going on on American Idol, when she of all people should know that I have no idea what she's talking about.

Add to this that I stopped listening to regular radio and listen almost exclusively to the 80s channel and the new wave station on XM. When the Drudge Report today said that Mariah Carey beat Elvis Presley's record for most #1 songs, I thought to myself, but Mariah Carey hasn't had a hit since I was in college, right? And isn't she supposed to be in a straightjacket?

In high school, Mom used to look over the Billboard hits listing in the Sunday newspaper and say, "I don't even know who any of these bands are! What is this?" and my 15-year-old self would roll my eyes and say something like, "Like, duh, Mom, it's Oasis," or whatever it was teenagers said back then. But now I've turned into my mom--who are these people? What are they talking about? Hang your coat up!

Anyway, I digress. So I was at the Capitol Hill Club with some friends the other night and I invited my friend whom I'll call Julian McMahon because he looks just like him, except not old. I was telling everyone about how it was weird that my nose would itch, but I can't actually scratch the itch because I can't feel my nose. Julian's all--oh, like that GEICO commercial with Joan Rivers, ha ha ha! And everyone at the table is cracking up, so I just smile and nod because I don't need to call it to everyone's attention that I'm off the grid.

So, for your benefit, in case you are also pop culturally illiterate, I went and found the commercial on YouTube. It's funny! Am I smiling? I can't tell!


Also, then, here's today's picture of me. Not much different. My nostrils are getting a little uneven--if you click on the picture, it makes it larger and you can see how one is a little wider than the other. This is all caused by swelling and is perfectly normal. the tip of the nose is actually the last thing to heal. I was reading an article in Elle magazine (the one that Shari brought) about a woman who had her eyes done and she started complaining to her plastic surgeon about something or other and he said to stop freaking out and that "the complaints department opens in six months." Just something to keep in mind. I think a lot of people expect instant gratification, and it is a little discouraging sometimes. I wonder if people on the street are thinking, look at that piggy-looking girl! Or if people are thinking, she paid for her nose to look like that??? I know that my nose is a work in progress, and I probably shouldn't worry about what other people think, but geez, if I didn't care what I looked like, I'd just wander around with my big nose and wear track suits everywhere, wouldn't I?