The Official Rhinoplasty Handbook

So the other week (weeks seem to be running together on me lately), Doc's office sent me a short guide to my surgery, including the scariest part of all this, the anaesthesia bit. I learned who my anaesthesiologist is going to be, whom I'm going to call Sleepy here on out, and I'll get to meet this person the day of the surgery.


The crux of the book can be summed up as follows: Don't. Ok, there are some Do's; very few, however. Do wash your face with Dial or Purpose antibacterial soap, take a multivitamin, wear loose-fitting clothing to the surgery.


There is a three-page laundry list of things to avoid starting immediately: vitamin E, smoking, anything with aspirin--which evidently includes Pepto Bismol, who knew?--or ibuprofen (Tylenol is apparently OK), random other stuff that I've mostly never heard of (including garlic--note to self, ask Doc if this is just garlic supplements or if I should avoid crushing a half-dozen cloves of it into everything, as I'm wont to do), and then any herbal supplements and birth control pills and patches. Not a problem. Except the garlic. Oddly, the book seems to leave out the no-drinking for two weeks part that he mentioned in my consultation: I planned my surgery around a vacation for this reason! That's going to be a tough one; I suppose I could make it a late-in-coming Lenten resolution.


The day before the surgery, I can't eat or drink anything after midnight (except a sip of water if I had any prescriptions I have to take, which I don't, at least at this point) and it looks like I have to take some pre-op sedatives? The book is a little vague at times.


The book then goes on to talk about what the surgery is going to be like and what the risks are (weird! your voice can change!) One strange thing I heard from a friend is that sometimes you can't feel your nose, and this can be somewhat permanent, and it's like you have a phantom nose. Another problem I'm curious about is tip swelling (this can be permanent!?!) I wonder if it still hurts if it's swollen? Doc's book doesn't have this, but I've also heard some people have lost their sense of smell--yikes! I have a pretty formidable sniffer (aside from it being so large I'm having surgery): I used to drive people (mainly my Mom) insane with my "can't you smell...?", "something's burning", "this smells icky", that no one else could smell. I can't imagine life without this ability.


After the surgery, you simply must have someone drive you home, they can't just throw you in a taxi and they are adamant about this. Fortunately, my Mom is coming up from Florida to take care of me/spend Holy Week and Easter. What a way to spend your vacation, watching after a bloody and sedated person! Thanks, Mom! Mom's actually pretty excited about the whole thing, I think...she's been sending me plastic surgery websites and things, so I'm really fortunate in that I'm not having to fight with family members. The decision to have surgery is scary enough and you have doubts ALL THE TIME as it is (am currently writing a post about all the crazy things that are going through my head; it's not ready for prime time yet); I can't imagine having parents and aunts and uncles and cousins giving me the business about changing a "family trait," as is the case with some people you read about.


Also afterwards, you have to sleep in a propped-up position, so I need to figure out a way to not roll into my usual facedown position. Other things: eat dry crackers and non-carbonated liquids because you might be nauseated; use a bag of frozen peas as an ice pack, unless it hurts, then don't; don't drive for at least two days, preferably five; don't smoke, don't drink while you're taking pain pills; use a vaporizer since I'll have to breathe through my mouth for a while; bruising gets worse for the first couple of days before it gets better in 10-14 days.


On exercise: No aerobic activity for three weeks, no strenuous exercise for 4-6 weeks, and I'll have to get the go-ahead from Doc anyway. In case you're wondering, this also applies to sex. This part freaks me out: who wants to have a small nose all the while turning into Jabba the Hut?


Oh, and also, no sun exposure. And there's a bunch of gross stuff about nasal dripping and blood crusting, which I'll spare you.

There's also an anaesthesia information sheet and a questionnaire to return to Sleepy. They ask you just about everything, including if you have any dental work since they shove a tube down your throat. This part is the scariest, especially since I have a heart murmur and sometimes get chest pains (generally associated with stress, from what I'm told), and I really don't want "died on the plastic surgeon's table" as my epitaph. Anyway, the last time I went under was for a tonsillectomy when I was seven; I remember this vividly and it was horrible.


The most fun part of the book is the emotional section: it's filled with drawings meant to illustrate your expected emotional trajectory, post-op. Apparently, being a nut case is completely acceptable and I should expect wild mood swings and random crying jags for a few weeks.


So on Wednesday, I'm going to have drinks and talk with a friend-of-a-friend whose had her nose done...Will give a full report!