Itchy, Not Scratchy

WEIRD!!! There are some parts of my nose that aren't covered with a splint or tape and sometimes my nose ITCHES. And I scratch it. Or try to. And I don't actually feel myself scratching my nose! Now THAT is a weird sensation!

"You Have To Suffer For Beauty"

When I was a little girl in the 1980s, my Grandmother used to take me to Pam's Salon to have a perm done. Pam's was an old-style sort of establishment that might remind you of a Yankee version of Dolly Parton's salon in "Steel Magnolias." Aside from the fact that I came out looking like a poodle (which I guess was all the rage around 1986), perms burned--they HURT! Pam had a number of Virginia Slims "You've Come a Long Way, Baby" posters up depicting old-style hairdressers (see poster at right, depicting women with their hair rolled up into curlers wired into the ceiling). Maybe it was supposed you make you feel like you were going through a far less barbaric process in 1986 as opposed to 1906? It sure didn't feel like it.


(I'm pretty excited that I actually found one of the posters online that was on her wall--Pam must have ordered one using this form!)

Of course, I complained about this and Granny and Pam used to tell me, with a sigh and shake of their permed heads, "you have to suffer for beauty." This stuck with me, which is why I scoff at women who rave about how their sweatpants or their Crocs are so comfortable. Hmph! That's hardly the point, now, is it? You have no business going around wanting to be comfortable!

So this self-flagellating mindset that I was raised with has come in handy over the past two days.

Yesterday's surgery went very well. Mom and I got there around 9:30. I took a few phone calls from friends on the way over and I probably sounded like I was on my way to the firing squad. Even though we were a half-hour early, they took me right in and I got changed into my operating gown and socks (you can keep your underwear on!). The nurses came in and went over everything with Mom and me, then Sleepy came in and talked to us (this was Mom's worst part, she doesn't like anaesthesia, she was afraid I wasn't going to wake up...I'm not sure who was more nervous, her or me!), then Doc came in and he said, well, I have it written down, but what do YOU think we're going to do to your nose? And I pointed to my mom's nose and said, look how nice HERS is!!! He laughed and said it was very pretty.

Here I am waiting to go into the OR. Last picture taken with the old nose!

We hung around for a bit while they got everything together, then Mom went over to the waiting room and they took me into the OR. What a flurry of activity! Sleepy tied off my arm, another nurse started cuffing my other arm with a blood pressure monitor and padding and tucked it in, then Sleepy couldn't find a vein, so they had to do the whole thing all over again with the other arm since my right arm has much more fecund vein territory. Sleepy stuck something in the IV to relax me, and after a few seconds, the nurse asked me if I felt relaxed yet and I said no, so we talked a bit about work and what-have-you (seems that I'm pretty resistant to drugging since we had this conversation for several minutes). Then I said, I think I'm ready to close my eyes now, she said "ok" and then I was out.

Next thing I knew, they were putting my socks on ("Oh! They're like New York!" the nurse said--I was wearing my NY taxi and Empire State Building socks, they always cheer me up) and my sorostitute pants (circa 1998, when they were all the rage--very convenient for getting dressed when you don't have all your faculties...hmmm....) and wrestling me into an old linen dress shirt (circa 1993, when Express still labeled as "Compagnie Internationale Express" and sold a lot of flowery stuff and jumpers and things, which were also all the rage at the time, at least in Allentown, Pennsylvania, rather than the Eurotrash sort of thing they have going these days). It was really a high-fashion sort of day.

The nurses put me into a recliner and my mom came in and, although my eyes weren't open yet, I'm pretty sure she was freaked out. I think the nurse and Mom talked about how to bandage me up or something, I was pretty out of it. They made me open my eyes, which might as well have been sealed with cement. Finally--it could have been five minutes, it could have been five hours--they sent Mom to go get the car and they put me into my coat and into a wheelchair and wheeled me downstairs.

I did manage to navigate home, I think Mom was still pretty nervous since I look like I took a few rounds with a baseball bat and she tried to take us South on 95 to who-knows-where Beyond the Beltway. Mom doesn't like the Beltway, even though she learned how to drive on it--with a manual transmission, no less! It's probably a lot different than when she lived here in the 60s and 70s, and the drivers are crazier. Mom said on the way home that Doc came out after the surgery and said that everything went very well, but I had swallowed a lot of blood, so they had to suction it all out (blood in your stomach makes you nauseated). We got back home around 1 or 1:30.

Here I am, first thing after we got home and put on my pajamas...I know my nose was bleeding A LOT and my hair was bloody. I was also really thirsty, but I wasn't allowed to drink very much since water could upset my stomach. Fortunately, I have a strong stomach and I never vomited...I think that would be AWFUL to compound having this surgery with barfing up blood. I took a Percocet and ate a few water crackers (VERY hard to eat when you can't breathe through your nose) and fell asleep.

I woke up a couple of hours later and took another Percocet and Mom gave me a cup of Chicken n Stars (BEST idea EVER--you don't have to chew this or anything) and toasted a slice of cheese bread that I'd picked up at the Falls Church farmer's market after Saturday's lymphatic drainage massage, which was also very nice. Most of the rest of the day was spent in and out of sleep, responding to a few e-mails and text messages (sorry if you've received a not-very-coherent one from me) and taking a few phone calls. The bruising spread outward from my nose across my eyes.

Later on, Mom and my roommate went out to WalMart and Mom bought me a new stereo for my bedroom! My old stereo's CD player stopped working, so Mom got me this nice new one that I can mount on the wall, it's pretty fancy! Bergeron and Kerry, if you're reading this, your CDs have christened the new stereo!

Here's me after I woke up today, and it wasn't so bad, just very swollen. I'm actually trying to smile here, but my upper lip is pretty puffy, so it makes it difficult. One thing I didn't expect was that my eyelashes itch--I think they're poking into the swelled-up flesh and it feels a bit like if you've ever had an ingrown eyelash. As for everything else, I'm still taking painkillers, but really, it's just uncomfortable. The worst part is trying to swallow and breathing through your mouth--my mouth is very dry and my throat kind of hurts, probably also from the tube they stuck down there during surgery.

Mom called up Doc's office and they said to go ahead and take out the packing, but not to clean my nose out just yet. Around 10, she took the tweezers and took out two cotton plugs and that was it. It didn't hurt at all, but didn't provide the breathing-through-my-nose relief I was hoping for. I ate a little (I can start in on the pineapple again, hurrah) and wandered around the apartment for a bit and then noticed my eyes were getting REALLY puffy. I mean, really, really puffy. Better lie down again.

Mom kept herself from going stir crazy by cleaning out the refrigerator and the cabinets. I've heard A LOT about expired cans of soup, how many tins of cocoa I have open, and a lime that got stuck somewhere in the refrigerator that was collecting Social Security checks.

Dad called, and he's going to come and visit tomorrow and bring down a ham and kielbasa and my favorite chocolates for Easter as well as pick up a recliner I bought for my aunt and uncle for Christmas and take it back to Allentown for them. Shari is also coming over to see me and bring me some magazines, so tomorrow will be a busy day. I can't have people seeing me in the shape I was in, so Mom and I went over to a hair salon in a strip mall not far from here and had my hair washed and blow-dried. The hairdressers were very curious about my nose and asked for the doctor's name and number; the daughter of the lady who did my hair wants her nose done. They want me to come back to show it off when I have the splint off.

After that, we went to the "international" grocery store to pick up some fruits and veg. I'm pretty sure I frightened everyone in there. Mom and I laughed on the way out because people were staring, blatantly. We got home and Mom fixed me a grilled cheese sandwich, and then I went back to bed, that was enough excitement for today.


Here I am with freshly-washed hair. Tomorrow I'll set it so I can be...something like presentable for my visitors.

Other than that, the latter part of the day has been pretty frustrating. The swallowing, the itchiness under my splint, the scary swollen eyes, the constant stuffed-up feeling in my nose has just made me very impatient. Suffer for beauty, suffer for beauty is my mantra. I'm trying to not think that it all wasn't worth it--I mean, what's a few days going to be in the grand scheme of things?--but sometimes I just feel like I'm NEVER going to get back to normal. I'm also trying not to be short with people, but sometimes it's laborious to talk (what with no breathing through the nose, I have to stop, take a deep breath, speak, and sometimes repeat if people don't understand me) and sometimes I just don't FEEL like talking to anyone, I just want to lie here with my ice pack.

Sigh....Today is supposed to be the worst for swelling, I hope tomorrow's better.

Ready As I'll Ever Be

So today is my final day with my old nose. Mom's here; on the way back to the house she said she hoped I knew what I was doing. Of course I don't. For all I know, I could come out looking like Miss Piggy or a Jackson family member. She and I stayed up late and I showed her the closed rhinoplasty video and she was thoroughly grossed out. Then she wanted to see the video for a facelift and she screamed.

Mom and I went shopping today, I picked up some Chicken 'n' Stars (I can't be the only one who wants this and a grilled cheese sandwich when I'm laid up), water crackers, Gatorade, Ocean Saline Nasal Spray (to clean out my nose), more pineapples, and some odds and ends. Mom brought a filter for my vaporizer, and I set that up and have it running. I've got some frozen peas to use as an ice pack. I'm eating pineapple, drinking pineapple juice, and popping arnica like it's my job. CVS actually managed to fill my prescriptions without any sturm or drang, so I have those all lined up with a bottle of extra-strength Tylenol.

I managed to kill the cold by way of lymph drainage and a lot of lazing around. I'm not sure there's any reason to get sick ever again now that I have found this little secret. Lymphatic drainage massage is, in a nutshell, rubbing your neck and face. Your lymph system is responsible for clearing bacteria and foreign substances from your body and a full third of your total lymph gland count is found in your neck. Anyway, my massage therapist told me to lightly rub my face in a triangle from below my eyes to my jaw to stimulate the lymph system right before surgery.

Otherwise, I'm petrified! Yes, I know I was cool as a cucumber, get it done, get it over with a few days ago, but now I'm panicking. Eeek!

Some Befores and Last Minute To Dos

Ok, so I promised some before shots. These, obviously, are not my "official" befores since I felt weird asking Doc and Flora for a copy because I don't really want to talk about the blog with them. I went through my pictures and tried to find some that illustrate how wide my nose is, what the deal with the bump is, and how it looks like a carrot stuck to my face.

So there you go.

So everyone's asking, are you nervous or excited? A little of both! Most of the time, I'm just wishing I could get it over with already, but sometimes, right before I go to sleep, I just think HOLY HELL!!! I'm going to have someone go into my nostrils, cut the top off my nose, and break my nose and mash it all back together again! And I haven't the slightest idea what it's going to look like when it's done! What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm down to the last few days--really, the last weekend for me and my nose--yikes! Well, nose, we've had a good run (ba-dum bump!) It's going to be REALLY weird, I think, looking in the mirror and seeing something else there.

Oh well, I'm going to be busier than a one-armed paper hanger in the next few days, so I can't think about it. I have a lot of work to square away at the office, have to clean before my mom gets here (though fortunately, my roommate is way neater than I am and keeps the disaster mostly in check...my bedroom is another story and the bathroom needs a good scrubbing), pick up my pills, another pineapple (ouch--pineapple hurts your tongue if you eat more than a slice or two) and maybe some soup or something to eat afterwards. Mom gets in tomorrow night; I'm picking her up at the airport around 7.

Compounding everything, I had to spend the day touring around with a couple of people from my firm, and one of them had a cold. So today, my nose is running and I have a headache. Great. I can't blow my nose for who-knows-how-long starting Monday and I'm coming down with a cold. The things I do for my company....Fortunately, I have my lymphatic drainage massage in a few hours, so maybe that will put the kabosh to it.

Crazy Thoughts, Part II

Today's crazy thoughts have to do with "ethnic heritage." I read from time to time that some people get the business from their relatives for tinkering with their ethnicity as expressed in their noses. Fortunately for me, my relatives are all in favor of subjugating our ethnicity except when it comes to food. Christmastime rolls around and we're all babcis rolling out pierogi dough.

The beauty part is that no one really knows, entirely, what we are, and it's a secret that died with my grandmother. My grandmother met her biological father once and never spoke about him. We're Polish as far as we know (I'm Slovak and Welsh on Dad's side), but people ask me, my mom, and my aunts all the time if we're Italian, Greek, Jewish, Syrian, or Lebanese.

I have this little romantic fantasy that one day, I'll be in the Cinque Terre and I'll happen across "my people." Yes, they'll say, everyone from this village has that nose, or those eyes. Maybe they'll know who my great-grandfather was (left for America at 14 to seek his fortune, they'll say; he became a very rich and powerful man who built the first hospital in this provincia after the war). And one of the town's venerable families will invite me to their lovely villa, and roast a wild boar in onore di their long-lost American cousin, and perhaps they have a dashing single neighbor who lives in the neighboring villa and has a fondness for Americans and we'll live happily ever after, eating risotto and overlooking the Ligurian Sea.

But back here in reality, I wonder what I'm going to look like after the surgery. Doc didn't do any of the computer imaging stuff you've heard about, which is just as well since you don't really know which way your nose is going to heal, I guess. But will people still think I look Italian, Greek, or whatever? What if Helen of Troy and I have the same nose? I'm giving the heave-ho to an ethnic heritage I never knew I had. Alternately, I suppose my nose could have nothing to do with it and I could end up looking very exotic, who knows?

My last few crazy thoughts, which probably aren't crazy enough to not ask Doc about, is that I'm wondering if I'll be able to flare my nostrils or scrunch my nose any more? Also, what if I'm one of those people who can no longer smell anything (yes, I've read this happens to some people)? Hmmm...maybe that's a good thing for dieting.

Pre-Op

My pre-op doctor's visit on Friday went well. It took a little over an hour. Doc's nurse, Flora, in keeping with the fairy-tale theme here (I honestly didn't intend that when I started this blog), looks like, I kid you not, one of the good fairies in Sleeping Beauty (Flora, Fauna, and Merriweather...yes, I got that from Wikipedia...Incidentally, Flora is the one who gave Sleeping Beauty the gift of beauty and is the one in red).

Flora gave me all of my prescriptions (she really IS a good fairy!) so I have to run over to CVS at some point and hope they're capable of providing me with Percocet, an anti-nausea thing that I don't really want to talk about, and Keflex (an antibiotic). There's also a prescription for exactly one Ambien tablet to take the night before the surgery. Since I have some leftover from the time I flew to New Zealand, I think I'll pass on filling that. And guess what! She also gave me a vial of arnica tablets! I actually found these at Whole Foods a few weeks ago and picked them up, but the ones she gave me are stronger, the 12c version. I need to start taking them three days before the surgery, and I can also use the arnica cream.

Aside from all the pills, I'm also supposed to eat lots of fresh pineapple before and after--it has a substance called bromelain that is supposed to help with the swelling. Not canned, frozen's a bit iffy, FRESH pineapple.

No makeup or lotions on the skin on the day of surgery. Wear loose clothes that don't have to go over my head. So much to remember to do. I also just took down my humidifier since that's supposed to help since you're a mouth breather there for at least the first day.

Then we took my "before" photos. I didn't get a copy of these so I will have to post my own for you all to see. Flora said, "I'll bet you're getting that bump taken down!" Sheesh, people, the bump wasn't what I noticed...evidently everyone else did!

We went over my last few questions. Salicyclic acid face wash is ok (aspirin is not, and aspirin is salicyclic acid, so I needed to clarify since the stuff I use has it in it). The tip of my nose will feel "woody" as opposed to squishy (I think this is sort of concerning, but it's not permanent). My nose will be numb for a while and then it'll start to feel prickly, which is my nervous system coming back online. I probably won't have to worry too much about makeup to cover up the bruises, but I can go to their in-house lady who does makeup if I want.

I filled out all of the consent and release forms and my medical history form for Sleepy, for which I did a full-on written freak-out about when I had my tonsils out and my heart murmur and that I get chest pains when I get really stressed out, blah, blah, blah.

After that, Doc came in and did some rah-rah and asked if I had any questions--I'm questioned out. I'm just ready to go. He said that my medical history isn't anything they haven't dealt with before, so I shouldn't worry.

Finally, I went over to the patient coordinator and dealt with the financials. I wrote out a check (it had to be a check) to Sleepy for $550, and wrote out another check to Doc for $4325 for the remaining balance of my surgery fee (I had to put $500 down). I'm committed. If I back out now, I forfeit 75% of the surgeon's fee and I'm too damn cheap to do that.

Friends Say the Darndest Things

Sophomore year of college was my most fun year there (and somehow my best GPA at the same time). My roommate and I lived in the sorority house and we had people in our room all the time visiting and it was a bit of a social nerve center. Because our friends were (and still are) funny and smart (not to mention good-looking and all above average), they'd say some pretty hysterical things, so we started the "quote jar," and we'd write down the things they'd say, or things said to them by drunk frat boys and the other assorted characters on campus, on slips of paper and stick them in the jar and every once in a while, when we were bored, or needed cheering up, we'd draw something out of the quote jar.

I think it's time to re-start the quote jar, but relevant to my nose job. Today's quote? "What? You're getting your nose done? Why? You're so thin now." I'm not even sure where to go with that. There's non-sequitur, then there's the implication that I used to be a cow. Maybe I'm still a cow, I don't know what that has to do with my nose!